TeN THinGS TeACHERs MuST NEvER DO
Recently at our language institute, which I won't identify but will say is part of one of the large international chains, we received the following memo, which we all had to sign and return -- reprinted exactly as received -- (sic) indicates grammatical / punctuation errors already present within a quoted document, in case you didn't know.
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The (Name of School Omitted) Teacher Ten DON'TS:
Though there are many things that a professional teacher should do in class, equally important are the things that a teacher must NEVER do. The following short list must be read, understood and complied with.
1) Never insult, ridicule or belittle students, fellow teachers, (name of school omitted) or Federal Republic of Russia (sic);
2) Never discuss highly personal subject (sic) in class such as, must not limited (sic) to sex, drugs, politics or religion;
3) Never discredit or speak badly of (name of school omitted) or divulge company information to the students;
4) Never complain about the programmes, books, materials (sic) that have been selected for your use in the classroom;
5) Never come to classes late, leave the room during class or end the class early;
6) Never come to class with a hangover, beer breath or worse;
7) Never yell or scream at students and never tell students to "Shut up";
8) Never complain in class about your personal difficulties;
9) Never use or teach profanity in class;
10) Never eat, drink or smoke in class.
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Quite a provocative and comprehensive list, eh? Let me comment upon each of these, one at a time and as a whole.
1) Never insult, ridicule or belittle students, fellow teachers, (name of school omitted) or Federal Republic of Russia (sic);
Well, first of all that should be "The Federal Republic of Russia" but we'll let it slide with a warning this time. As for not saying bad things about other teachers or the school, I can allow that this is a sound business practice and it is well to avoid inter-teacher strife.
However, if a student belittles me first, am I not allowed to belittle back? Can I belittle students and other teachers outside the classroom, in my free time, or for example after I leave this job, or is this something like a confidentiality agreement, binding forever?
2) Never discuss highly personal subject (sic) in class such as, must not limited (sic) to sex, drugs, politics or religion;
Now I'm afraid your grammar is becoming as convoluted as your logic. There's a whole chapter in NEW HEADWAY INTERMEDIATE about the guy who made those Death Cigarettes, and several other text books have sections about the smoking in public places debate. Should these be excised immediately from the text book? Are any mentions of alcohol forbidden? Aspirin, prescription painkillers, viagra?
As regards sex, are we simply referring to the sex act itself, or the events leading up to it (and beyond it)? Surely marriage is at least as personal as sex, should that topic be avoided also? There is a reading in NEW HEADWAY UPPER-INTERMEDIATE about a couple who make a contract for their marriage, and the "s" word is mentioned -- should I strike out that sentence?
Politics. . . well, as long as I don't have to listen to any more students tell me how America is bad because they invaded Iraq, but how Russia had a perfectly good reason to invade and commit genocide in Chechniya, I'm perfectly happy with this one.
Does not talking about religion include asking students what they did for Easter or Christmas?
3) Never discredit or speak badly of (name of school omitted) or divulge company information to the students;
You're repeating yourself a bit here (see number 1) but I'll agree with the second part -- I'm sure there are plenty of corporate raiders just ready to dive in and make takeover bids on language schools based on the information their spies obtain from loose-mouthed teachers in class. "Ah ha, they're hiring a new teacher! Profits must be up, time to strike!"
4) Never complain about the programmes, books, materials (sic) that have been selected for your use in the classroom;
Ah, well, now what if the materials refer to sex, drugs, politics or religion, as I mentioned might happen above?
5) Never come to classes late, leave the room during class or end the class early;
So what, I'm supposed to pee in a cup in class or something? I can't ever get into the bathroom between classes because there are too many students there fixing their hair.
I take advantage of reading exercises to heed the call of nature, usually, so don't give me any guff about it.
6) Never come to class with a hangover, beer breath or worse;
Not sure what you mean by "worse" -- how about not coming to class completely exhausted because of all the split shifts I have to work? Okay, I'll stay home the next morning after I've had to get to work at 9:00am and finished up at 9:30pm, with several hours of being stuck at the office in the middle. Good idea!
Students in Russia frequently bring champagne to class to celebrate their birthday, but I'll warn them to keep their stupid cultural traditions to themselves and concentrate on the present perfect.
7) Never yell or scream at students and never tell students to "Shut up";
I don't, nor generally do I want to, though I think it's my right to do so in self-defense if necessary. It's the administration I'd like to yell and scream at. . .
8) Never complain in class about your personal difficulties;
Now I don't generally, but occasionally students badger them out of me. "Teacher, why you look so tired?"
"Well, because I had to work a fucking split shift from 9:00am to 9:30pm yesterday, my salary is peanuts, my prospects for advancement are appalling and my flat has no hot water. Oh, whoops, sorry, those are my personal difficulties. Go on to page 10, class."
I can understand why you don't want us talking about our personal difficulties, but if we didn't HAVE so many personal difficulties, this wouldn't be an issue. Consider a "top-down" approach to this problem.
9) Never use or teach profanity in class;
So, good policy, so when our students go to England or America and are confronted with people screaming "fuck you, you shit head!" they should have no idea they're in a potentially dangerous situation?
As a foreign resident of Russia, I made sure that obscenities were the first words I learned, so that I could be prepared for trouble. And it has served me well.
And when those little 14-year-olds come up with the Eminem or Little Kim lyrics they've gotten off the Internet, am I suppose to break their hearts?
10) Never eat, drink or smoke in class.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't have to eat anything in class if my schedule gave me time to get a decent meal somewhere during the day.
But I rarely have more than a piece of fruit or some peanuts in class, before or after class or during a break. Not like I'm tying into a curry in the middle of class or something.
And I'm supposed to get through a two-hour class with not so much as a glass of water, much less coffee in the evening after I had to get up in the morning to teach at 9:00am? Forget that.
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Might I suggest a shorter yet more to-the-point list of Five Things Teachers Must Never Do:
1) Never be fooled into thinking that you are not immediately replaceable
2) Never dare to defy administrative whims, nor the whims of your students
3) Never believe that your contract is accurate, or legally binding, or that it can't be changed by administration at will.
4) Never attempt to trouble Administration with your problems or grievances, because they don't care at all
5) Never feel that you have any right to decent working hours or salary, because, after all, you are privileged to be having the great adventure of living in a foreign country.