ENGLISH TEACHING VS. PIRACY AND McDONALDS: A COMPARISON
Sometimes your heart yearns for the open seas. . . sometimes you dream of getting up early on a Saturday to teach a bunch of Chinese children the alphabet. . . yet there's always the security of your local McDonald's outlet. Shit, how to decide?
English Teacher X is here to help!
| PIRACY | ENGLISH TEACHING | McDONALD'S | |
| Crappy salary? | No -- Equal share of the "booty" | Generally | Yes |
| Dress Code? | No -- but tattos and leather preferred, eyepatches, etc. | Sometimes shirt and tie | Stupid uniform, paper hat |
| Hours? | Erratic, seasonal | Split-shifts, evenings, weekends | Eight hour morning/evening/night shifts. |
| Pay for own training? | No | Yes | No |
| Helping to spread cause of global communication? | No | Yes | Only in the sense of "Big Mac" being understood in most languages |
| Remotely enjoyable or fulfilling? | Sometimes | Sometimes | No |
| Growth industry? | Probably not | Yes | Undoubtedly |
| Hire anybody? | No -- only tough men | Yes (if with ceritificate) | Yes |
| Equipment provided? | Sometimes | Usually | Yes |
| Meet a lot of girls? | Only by force | Yes | Only to take their order |
| Surrounded by greasy people all day? | Yes | Sometimes | Yes |
| Dangerous? | Yes | Usually not | Only for your complexion |
| Travel? | Yes | Yes | No |
| Advancement Opportunities? | Sort of | Sort of | Sort of |
| Pension plan? | Yes | No | A laughable one |
| Health plan? | Yes | Sometimes | Yes |
THE WINNER: Probably Piracy, but English Teaching finishing a strong second! So sorry, McDonalds!